emptiness.
“it is my duty, out of my emptiness, to reach for the fullness of Christ…”
-Puritan prayer
Lately, ive been experiencing a dullness in my relationship with jesus. It feels like he’s lost importance and passion in my life, almost to the point where prayer repels me; like its an essential and vital part of my life that i continue to ignore because i have no desire to dive into it. Why risk so much when i really dont want to?
And there is this huge chasm between me and jesus, and part of me is comfortable with this, and another part of me is screaming for something to bridge the gap between my life and jesus’ life. And i find myself judging people who walk through theREALM’s doors that i know have crap and baggage, wondering why they decided to come here. I catch myself thinking “Everyone knows you hooked up with him last weekend.” Like im so perfect or something…
It seems as though i have forgotten about the reality of my empitness, about how much i need the fullness of christ. Ive built up this blinding pride, like im the “go-to” kid in our community, and ive let that determine and shape my relationship with jesus. “I dont need to submit right now jesus, ive got this…” and “Im doing fine without prayer”. And then im reminded of the purpose of jesus’ life…
He came for the broken, the ugly, the messy, the lesser. He came to show love to the unloved. He came to give hope to the hopeless, life to the dead. He came to be fullness for the emptiness. And thats me, broken, ugly, messy, lesser, empty…
So i choose emptiness, hopelessness, lifelessness… because i know jesus has come to restore me. He has come for me, because i need him. Because i want nothing but him…
Fill me.
Weiss
